Sexy Summer Saturdays 7/7/12

Sexy Summer Saturdays is a weekly post that Hackaroo’s Reviews, Sims-Sational BooksThe Autumn Review, and The Bookish Babe created for fun, to spread the word about sizzling summer reads.

~*~*~*~NOTE: This week’s selection set me a little on the edge so if you are under 18, please do NOT proceed!!!~*~*~*~

This week’s SSS gem is:

Goodreads Description:

Meredith discovered her fianc in bed with two of her bridesmaids. Then she meets a handsome stranger who buys her an emerald pendant and offers to share his fudge with her. Before she can blink she is naked on a private, secluded beach and the mouth-watering stranger is coaxing her into sexual situations that both startle her and bring her more fulfillment than she’s ever had. The afternoon is an initiation into the pleasures of the flesh, but sadly all good things must come to an end. Life is about to hand Meredith another surprise which will open yet more doors to her own sexuality.

So this week, April and I read another book together. I love reading these with her because we see eye to eye on these types. We can make fun of the dumb ones (like this one) and have a good time.

I’ll start off by saying that I can sum this book up in about two words. All WRONG. Just wrong! In every sense of the word. But the best part is that the entire time we were reading this, April and I had a blast making fun of it. So I’ll get to it…

We meet Meredith while she is staying at her grandmother’s bed and breakfast. She’s at her grandma’s place because she found her ex-fiancee in bed with not one but TWO ladies. That must’ve been awkward….

While she’s there, she’s mourning her broken heart when her grandma tells her to get up off her ass and do something. So she goes into town. I’m not even sure where this is even at but I have no clue what town would have a shop that is both a jewelry store and a fudge shop. Really? *snorts* No joke….this gets better….

While she is standing in the unbelievabley long line at the fudge shop, she peers over the counter at the jewelry store and see a gorgeous emerald pine tree pin. Yes….a pine tree pin. Feeling the cheese yet?

While she is looking at the necklace, a handsome man mentions that she would look lovely in it. So he tells the cashier to pull it out and he proceeds to put it on her. Then buys it for her. All the while explaining that in ancient Egyptian times, emeralds were considered to bring out your sexuality.

Okay, so first of all…. wouldn’t you think this would be weird? I mean even if he is gorgeous, who does that?! Umm…I’d be reaching for my mace right about now.

So after he buys the necklace, he offers to share his fudge he just purchased. Of course she agrees. Before we know it she’s driving down to a secluded area in his SUV (*cough* *cough* rapist *cough* *cough*)

They go down to this beach and do the dirty. A few times.

That’s the main story. Seriously. I mean this had the ability to be a really cute love story but the reason why I could not take this seriously (I highly doubt that the author meant to be serious), is because of the writing, wording, and the phrasing. I don’t really know how to put it except for putting a few gems on here.

His breath hissed as his eyes feasted on her weeping slit (um so gross!!)

“Just lie back sweetheart and let me enjoy my snack.” (seriously?!)

And Connor’s big body looming over her, every muscle straining with his cataclysmic release (cataclysmic? Word choice=sucks)

I mean I don’t know about you but these are the least sexiest ways to describe ANYTHING. Oh! I almost forgot his alien tongue…

His tongue swept against the roof of her mouth and licked the insides of her cheeks.

Seriously, how does this happen? I don’t quite comprehend that. LOL So bad.

One of the worst things about this book is the author’s use of the c-word. I am not a fan of the word. At all. Even p***y is better than that word and that’s even a crappy word to use in a book. Especially if you’re a woman. But I counted how many times she used the c-word. 27.

I mean, there are only 3 chapters in the book. Can you not think of any other word to describe it? *shakes head*

Overall, this book had the potential to be a cute story but the author just completely ruined it by adding the derogatory words and grotesque sex scenes. One sex scene in particular will be forever burned into my brain. I’ll just say this: fudge enters the vajay jay. Yep.  For real.

I going to touch a little bit into the scenarios that had the thoughts of a rapist going through my brain… Here is a breakdown

Guy you just met practically feeling you up in store=potential creeper

Guy you just met invites you to share fudge in a secluded spot=potential stalker

Guy you just met driving you to a secluded spot in his SUV=potential raper

Serious. Warning bells were ringing in my head. Might as well have been driving a big white van with the words “FREE KITTENS” on the side.

Anyways, I’m really glad this was free because if I’d paid money for this I woud’ve wanted a full refund. But it was fun making fun of it with April. Because that’s how we roll yo!

Go check out the other blogs listed above to see what everyone else’s SSS is this week. Until next time!!!

 

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2 thoughts on “Sexy Summer Saturdays 7/7/12

  1. This review, hilarious. I love reading these so much with you. Good times.

    So glad you pointed out the rapist angle because now that I think of it.. it does seem that way. I was too grossed out by the fudge packing to give much notice to the logistics. lol

    Love you!

  2. April told me about this book yesterday. I’m so jealous I didn’t read if with you (not really). I mean, who doesn’t like a “weeping” vag? And fudge shoved up it?
    This book….yeah, that’s about all I can say.
    Great review!

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